I think in pictures. On a good day I can translate my thoughts into words fairly fluently, if a bit slow. When I'm upset, I really struggle with words because my thoughts change so fast. Blogging gives me the time to communicate at my own pace, to turn the pictures into words and say just what I mean. Maybe I shouldn't post such personal thoughts, but without blogging, I wouldn't be able to communicate the things that are most important to me.
I try to be careful about what I say here, I don't mention anyone by name, and except for a select few people who see this on Facebook, this blog is anonymous. Or, at least it was. If my bosses are now reading it... Hello.
Today, I found out that a couple of these people, people I trusted, betrayed my trust in a way I never thought they would stoop to. And my blog - I imagine they have already, or will soon attempt to use it against me too.
For awhile I thought about deleting it. But I'm not going to do that. I once told these people that I loved them, and I had already forgiven them for everything they had ever done and would ever do. So here is my other cheek. Here is my whole back, and if they plunge another knife in it, then I forgive them for that too. And I pity them.
I won't erase this blog. And I won't stop writing it. I won't live in fear of them, and I won't let them turn me into the negative, untrusting, unhappy people that they've become. I've been through so much in my lifetime and I still find reasons to laugh and be happy, so if you think that's all it takes to break me - you should read my blog.
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