Quitting/losing my job was harder than I thought. So much of my identity was wrapped up in it, my hopes for the future, my relationships - and I didn't get the traditional 2 weeks to transition gracefully. I got walked to the door.
So I spent a few days battling feelings of anger and betrayal, a few days mourning lost friendships, and then it was time to stop looking backwards and start looking forwards, because, in a few short days I'll be starting a new job, and I don't want to repeat my mistakes. My biggest regret is knowing how many people must have celebrated when I left. It hurts. I was telling a friend tonight that this time around I'm going to try harder to make people like me.
She reminded me of something I wrote not too long ago - that I felt like a fake person at work - a person I hated being, a manipulative, confrontational, paranoid, skeptical politician. This time, just be yourself, she told me. You might not get as far in your career, but you won't be miserable.
That's great advice. Screw being likable. I was much happier being an eccentric, solitary book-worm than I ever was being in charge of people and leading meetings. but, after all these big life changes recently - divorce and new relationships, my oldest leaving home, losing my job, fessing up to and treating my depression and adhd, and finding God, I don't know who I am now. Am I the same person at all? What makes me like myself? What am I proud of? What do I enjoy? What am I good at? What is important to me? what am I interested in? If past experience doesn't reflect my current state, and it seems that it doesn't, then... How do I even begin to find the answers?